Bad Wednesday

I am now facing diabetes type 2. I understand that my overweight is what causes my high blood pressure, I take medication to help control it. If I didn't overeat I wouldn't have high blood pressure and therefore I wouldn't need the medication.

My joints hurt and my stomach hurts all the time.

Now I have high triclycerides so I am looking at type 2 diabetes next.

I eat a meal and then I am so exhausted I can't stay awake. I haven't excercised for so long that walking up one flight of stairs tires me out.

I still can't seem to quit overeating. It isn't so much what I eat as that I just have to have bowl after bowl of food.

I eat from boredom, habit, comfort but not from hunger.

I need help but when I look for support, my closet people can't or won't help.

I feel like I am not only fighting my own problems but also fighting the fact that I have not support and that I have to subvert my life for others.

I know it sounds trite but I feel forgotten, taken advantage of and ignored.

Each day I say "Today I will make the changes, one change at a time."

Each day I fail. Already this morning I have had 30 oz. of goulash "for breakfast". That should be enough to hold me until tomorrow morning but I know I won't be able to resist. I will eat again.

I think about this and I get depressed and defeated. Another reason to eat.

I give up on trying , Another reason to eat.

AARRRGGGGGGGHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!