A friend takes an interest in you ...but not a controlling interest.

I think I can...

"Whether you think you can or you think you can't, you're right." --Henry Ford--

A problem is a chance for you to do your best

Quote by Robert Bryne. But what if your best doesn't accomplish what you need to get done. I guess you just have to make your best better.

Broken Scales*#^%@**

I am going to have to go to the store and buy a new scale. Mine is broken. It keeps giving me these impossible and crazy numbers.

I have been doing a little exercise, what I can squeeze in between caring for mom, and I have tried to eat less and yet the damn scale is showing BIGGER numbers instead of smalller!

AAAAAAAAARRRGH!!!!!!

Still here!

I am still here and still trying......not succeeding but I won't just quit!

Bad Wednesday

I am now facing diabetes type 2. I understand that my overweight is what causes my high blood pressure, I take medication to help control it. If I didn't overeat I wouldn't have high blood pressure and therefore I wouldn't need the medication.

My joints hurt and my stomach hurts all the time.

Now I have high triclycerides so I am looking at type 2 diabetes next.

I eat a meal and then I am so exhausted I can't stay awake. I haven't excercised for so long that walking up one flight of stairs tires me out.

I still can't seem to quit overeating. It isn't so much what I eat as that I just have to have bowl after bowl of food.

I eat from boredom, habit, comfort but not from hunger.

I need help but when I look for support, my closet people can't or won't help.

I feel like I am not only fighting my own problems but also fighting the fact that I have not support and that I have to subvert my life for others.

I know it sounds trite but I feel forgotten, taken advantage of and ignored.

Each day I say "Today I will make the changes, one change at a time."

Each day I fail. Already this morning I have had 30 oz. of goulash "for breakfast". That should be enough to hold me until tomorrow morning but I know I won't be able to resist. I will eat again.

I think about this and I get depressed and defeated. Another reason to eat.

I give up on trying , Another reason to eat.

AARRRGGGGGGGHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Is the world plotting against me?

Sometimes I wonder!

I wanted to accomplish certain things today. Instead mom was up all night so I am exhausted today. All I want to do is sleep.

I had been doing pretty good on the wlaking everyday but then Lou quit being around at 4 pm so I had no one to stay with mom while I walked. Later in the day I am too tired.

I need to keep trying to get something figured out.

It's not going to be today!

Well, my weight lose isn't going to start today. I started the day with breakfast of about 7 sausage links and half a can of chili.

Lunch was a full ham and mayo sandwich. Snack was an avocado with tortilla chips. I also had 1 piece of nasty chocolate with coconut filling. For dinner I had an 8 oz bowl of goulash which was way more than I should have had.
I have had no exercise today. I got next to nothing done today. I showered which was nice. I folded a few clothes and made my bed. I put a load of laundry through the washer and washed mom's hair. Not much.

Yet tonight I have to print the grocery list and get it filled out and make a todo for tomorrow. I don't want to forget anything again.

March 4, 2009

I do feel like I am getting a little closer to being organized. Mom went outside the front door for a little while today. I was out there trimming the plants along the side walk with the hedge trimmer and I took her kitchen chair out there and she sat and visited while I worked. It was nice.
I placed an ad on Craigslist today for a partner in the Shering idea. I wonder what type of response I will get. I hope I am not making a mistake. A mistake would be either 1. I get no response, 2. I get a lot of response for flakes. So far though, no responses.
I am so looking forward to spring and summer time. I am tired of winter, it is very depressing to me.

The never ending TODO'S

1. Move the desk top puter
2. Remove the kitchen tv
3. Hook up the living room TV
4. X Put top back on oak file cabinet
5. Change reupholstered chair into original frame
6. Remove Christmas lights form tree
7. Remove Christmas Wreath from Garage vent
8. X Cut down plants along front walk
9. X Remove plants along front walk
10. X Remove rubber tree from planter
11. X Install shower parts in family bathroom
12. Install door on cabinet in family bathroom
13. Repair master bathroom cabinet door
14. Move cat tree to living room
15. Install shelf on living room window, cover with green fabric
16. X Print Retirement fund loan application
17. Load garbage into pickup
18. Load give aways into pickup
19. Make my bed up with fresh linen
20. Repair skill saw
21. Buy chuck key for drill
22. Repair turn signals on Geo
23. Get Geo running
24. Clean Geo
25. Smog Geo
26. License Geo
27. Install ceiling fan in Garage
28. Install shop lights in Garage
29. Install wire shelves in Shed
30. Tree stakes for all trees
31. Fertilize lawn
32. X Put rug mat under Mom's mattress
33.

Gotta start some time!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Monday March 3 2009 252 at 8pm

I keep trying to get my life arranged the way I want it to be. It's not like I have never had my life arranged to suit me. The best times of my life are when I was able to withstand the outside world's influences and still keep my image of my life in tact.
It is just that with in the last 3 years I feel like I have lost all control. Some of it is due to the outside world and some of it is from me. I am hoping that I can get things back in order a little at a time.
I am hoping that by putting my small goals here I will be able to find where and why sometimes I don't accomplish the things I want to.
Like tomorrow I have to drive into Stockton early in the morning because I forgot to sign the union books. Why did I forget? I didn't bother to make a todo list for my Monday shopping list.
I hate to leave mom in the morning but I don't have a choice.
**Other things I want to get accomplished tomorrow:
>I want to repair the long yellow extension cord in the shed.
>I also want to move the computer. I think this is something I should do during the commercials on the TV.
If I can do this then I will be moving forward.

I want to change my eating habits. I want to eat breakfast by myself with the only noise being what i hear on my mp3 player. For breakfast I want a banana, some sliced strawberries, 1 sausage link and of course my diet caffeine free soda. After breakfast I would like to dance for 10 minutes. The total time I need for my breakfast time is about 30 minutes. I should be able to get this time for myself if I go into the hobby room. Mom might not even notice if I wait until she is finished with her breakfast and is napping.

I also want to make a master Todo list to add to and checkoff from.